Today, I was digging through some old papers and notebooks, and behold, I found this! This is probably the only bit of free verse poetry I have ever written…and I have to admit, as much as I have vehemently opposed free verse poetry in the past…reading this actually makes me want to explore it more! Anyway, this was written about a year ago, and is a legit emotional outcry from my heart at the time. I won’t specify the internal struggle I was having…but I’m sure some of you are perceptive enough that you can at least find an idea of what it could be. Anyway, I hope you, O unnamed and unknown reader (you are out there, right?) enjoy this little piece of poetry. Shalom!
My swollen heart burns and it beats
I clasp my chest, pleasure and agony pulse
blood of love, hate, rushing in rivers of passion
I want to feel this burning flow
but no, all I want is for it to vanish
away from me, to cease from tormenting
my soul relishes this slightly sickening sensation
of my sullen, sarcastic sonnet
How could something so beautiful, something I want
be everything despised inside my mind?
pride and dignity, all left is shattered
torn, ripped, consumed by black beasts
devouring the pieces of a heart once full
of innocent desires proven to be a curse
God gave me this, He was the one who gifted
the thing, the desire, the curse!
A beautiful gift-a hole deep and mired
within a pantheon of impurity
I corrupted, defiled, brought it to ruin
blame my foolish fantasies that fill me!
My soul desires this passion to flourish
but known to me, it cannot be granted
not until my thirst and hunger are quenched
by a love greater than any vow of affection
for his affliction the provision for my redemption
why do I seek when love has been found?
given to me in a loving gift of humbling generosity?
its proportions cannot be measured and i will never
measure up to the holiest standards
These affections, these I know…
Still inside me remains a longing…
God, fill me.
Father, I beg thee…
Drew Otteson 