Katy was a huge red tractor who lived in Happyville. She first left the factory all the way back in the 1940’s, and had served all the good people of Happyville faithfully. She had braved the worst snowstorms, plowing through so that people could drive on their precious roads. She had demolished old buildings, bulldozed down trees, moved dirt for farmers, and even herded sheep once.
But, as we all know, technology moves fast and in 1970 a brand new kind of tractor was invented. This one was supposedly much more powerful and efficient than Katy ever could be. These new tractors sold like mad, and Katy found herself behind the doors of a barn, sitting in darkness while these hi-tech tractors had all the fun. The optimistic Katy figured that the kind people of Happyville had simply wanted to give her a well-earned rest after all her hard work… but alas she was wrong. The longer she sat motionless in that barn, the more it sunk in. She had been forgotten, abandoned. Thrown aside like a piece of trash! She sat there for decade after decade after decade… rusting and deteriorating. Rats and mice infested her once pristine leather seats; droppings from birds that dwelt in the rafters of the barn covered her flaking red paint. Even the barn itself was now neglected and termite infested. Katy lived in constant fear that it would collapse and deal the final blow to her debilitated body. It never did, though, unfortunately for the people of Happyville…
It was 2020, and Happyville had been renamed Technoville, since everyone was much too rich and busy to just relax and be happy. And as technology just about summed up where any of their fleeting happiness came from, it was a fitting name. No longer was it a small, homey farm town, covered in fields and barns. Instead it was now covered in suburbs, casinos, pubs and various other attractions that brought people from all over the country to it. Technology had changed from the luxury that it once was to a constant obsession to the inhabitants of Technoville. They had, in fact, a massive store in the center of the town called Cyberelectrotechni-Mart which always had the latest thing. Whether it was a ¼ inch thick HDTV, or a phone that makes your toast in the morning, or batteries that lasted for 10 years… they were sure to have it at Cyberelectrotechni-Mart. The world had never seen such a place! It attracted everyone who loved technology, and that was everyone… and I mean everyone. Even the infant and the 97 year-old man had their technology. Cyberelectrotechni-Mart made money hand over fist, so much that they had a huge vault in the back of the store that was filled to the brim with cash.
Everyone in Technoville was in a serious romantic relationship with technology… everyone except Katy the tractor! She had a fire burning inside her, and it wasn’t a leftover gas fire. It was revenge! Hatred! With every fiber of her rusted being, she loathed technology and every citizen of Technoville. If it wasn’t for blasted technology, she would still be in pristine condition, out plowing the fields. But no, the stupid humans had to advance and innovate… oh, how Katy wanted to make them pay! How she wanted to send every one of their greedy hearts into a whirlwind of terror before they met their untimely demise. She knew that she didn’t have much longer. She felt it. She was falling apart, dying. But she was going to drag the entire world down with her.
In case you didn’t realize, nothing in Katy had deteriorated more over the years then her sanity. The friendly, cheerful Katy the Red Tractor of Happyville was no more. She was nothing more then a rage filled, vengeful death machine that was determined to crush all who had put her in the stinky dark barn and left her there for half a century!
It was noon in Technoville, and a realtor was walking through the deserted field where Katy’s barn was. He was there to inspect the land, for someone wanted to purchase it. It was a barren field, grown over with tall brown grass. The only thing left was the collapsing red barn that sat in the center of the field. Mr. Realtor got closer and closer to the barn…
Inside, Katy was working on getting her dormant engine to fire up. It was no easy task, but it was fortunate for Katy that she nearly had a full tank of gas. She tried again… a spark… but still nothing…
The realtor was curious. He’d heard stories of people finding vintage cars in old barns like these. Who knows what he might find? The realtor pulled on the sliding barn door, and found it was quite stuck. Annoyed, he kicked it a few times and tried again. This time he managed to pry it open just a bit, and with a bit of effort he finally got it to slide open. He peered into the darkness, and saw to his surprise that there was a 1940’s model tractor inside! He was amazed to see such a rare, big thing inside this forsaken barn. Before he could whistle in amazement a
Vrrr rrr rrr rrr rrrr RrrrrrRRR
came from the rusty tractor
The realtor was puzzled. Did it just try to start up? There must be someone in there!
rRrr rRrr rrrrrRrrRrrR
And again! What was this? The realtor took a step toward the massive thing when…
rRrrr rRrrr RrRRR rrrVRUM VRUM VROOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!
and for the first time in 50 years, Katy’s engines revved up and a cloud of steam and exhaust spewed from the barn. The realtor staggered back in surprise as Katy emerged from the barn. The last thought that ever went through his mind was “Wait there isn’t anyone inside it” before Katy crushed him beneath her huge iron tracks. Slowly, slowly but surely she picked up speed as she rumbled through the field toward the rest of Technoville.
Cyberelectrotechni-Mart was having a super cyber blowout sale! Naturally, the parking lot was packed and the store itself was overflowing with greedy consumers just waiting to get their grubby fingers on the latest gadget. Little did they know that all of that was about to change…
Katy saw the big neon Cyberelectrotechni-Mart sign that towered above everything else and rushed angrily toward the mega-store. She was speeding right toward an intersection, knocking over stop signs and benches as startled pedestrians dived out of her way. The light had just turned green when
SMASH
Katy rammed through the crowded intersection, sending cars skidding into each other and rolling over. Katy ran over the tops of the cars like a monster truck and crushed them like they were cans. The terrified citizens jumped out of their cars and ran from the insane tractor
“Who’s driving that thing?”
“Someone call the police!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
Katy sped on, crushing all who stood in her way. She was getting closer and closer every second to the back of Cyberelectrotechni-Mart…
Inside Cyberelectrotechni-Mart, crowds of customers oohed and aahed at all the latest technological wonders there were for them to buy. The intercom clicked on…
Click *Attention customers! Starting now we are offering a 24% discount on-
KAASMAAASH!
“What? What’s a kasmash?” said one customer
“I don’t know, maybe a new gaming system!?!?” said another one. The intercom was still on and they could hear what people were saying…
*What? What was that? …I dunno, it sounded like it came from the vault! …Huh? How could that be? How could anyone get in there? Check the cameras! …what in the… what is that!?!? …what is what? …Look! It looks like some sort of huge tractor!*
Then, a loud *CLANG* *BANG* *CLANG* resonated from the big brass vault door in the back. Customers covered their ringing ears, as the banging and clanging continued. Finally…
BANG whoooosh CLAAAANG went the huge door as it was knocked out of its place, teetered for a second and then smashed down on the floor, crushing those below it. Money flew everywhere as a furious Katy zoomed out from the vault. First, she went for the TV section. Mesmerized customers dived out of the way, but it was no use. The shelves toppled over as Katy rammed into them with her big plow. Expensive TV’s toppled to the ground and crunched beneath Katy’s massive weight. The aluminum shelves piled one on top of the other like dominoes, yells coming from those unfortunate enough to be caught between them. But Katy’s rage had not yet been satisfied! She slammed herself into the appliance department, flinging washing machines and refrigerators through the air and into the computer section.
“THIS IS MADNESS!” shrieked someone from the upper administration offices.
“No, this is Cyberelectrotechni-Mart, sir.” Said someone else
“SHUT UP! Someone, call the police! Get security!”
Katy wasn’t fazed by a small threat of police; she knew that she could crush anyone underneath her tracks. She toppled over another few rows of shelves and crushed as many who dared stood in her way. Now…her ultimate goal! She was going to demolish this entire building, and then the whole world! Positioning herself to one side of the store, she revved her engine up, and charged through the store with a VRRROOOOOOAAR and rammed into the east wall, leaving a large dent in it. She backed all the way up, and smashed into the wall again. This time it gave in and concrete, rebar and drywall debris went flying outside. If she had a mouth, she surely would’ve laughed a wicked and triumphant laugh right then. She backed up, planning to drive another hole in the structural integrity of the building. But then…
Rrrrr RR Rrr RR RR Rr rr *clunka* *clunka* rrrrrrr *cough* rR
And then Katy’s engine went silent. There was a strange stillness in the mutilated megastore, as everyone realized that the threat was gone. Katy had ran out of gas! Katy sat there, unable to move. Unable to destroy. Unable to kill, to inflict her vengeance upon humankind! Blast her too-small fuel tank! Now she was frozen in her still burning fury, with no way to vent it. The people of Techno-ville gathered around her, staring at this thing that had caused so much terror and damage to their precious world of technology. What a thing! The people talked amongst themselves. Should it go to the museum? Should it be trashed? Auctioned? No, goodness me, who would want to buy such a thing? Perhaps we should restore it?
Ultimately, like anything else that wore out it’s excitement among the people, Katy was sent off to the junkyard. She rusted there for a few months, and finally she was taken off to Technoville Iron Co, where she was smashed, ripped apart, ground to pieces and melted down. She was turned into all sorts of different useful things, that all went toward new technology. Katy, in her rage, simply just helped what she was trying to destroy. But it was not the end for what she strived for! When she was in the junkyard, she told the newer tractors there what their fate would someday be when they were deemed obsolete. Word spread of this, and after Katy’s death millions of tractors, excavators, and the like joined to continue the legacy that Katy left behind. They all formed together and led an attack on Technoville. Obviously, all attempts to stop them were futile, and Technoville was destroyed in dust, smoke, and flames. Reduced to a devastated pile of ashes where machines ruled, Technoville was an example to the rest of the world of the monster they had created…
THE END
(The moral of the story: don’t buy the iPhone 6)
Drew Otteson 